Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

There are a lot of extreme sports, including sky diving and skiing. While some people believe that these sports should be banned because of their risks, I think that these sports have their benefits for people other than risks.
In today’s modern world, every person does any kind of sport or have their hobbies and one of them is extreme sports in which a huge number of people are keen on. However, some say that they are dangerous and might cause health risks and promote recklessness. Most people who engage in in sky diving and skiing are motivated by doing them and energetic, too. Meanwhile, it might cause life-threatening injuries or to be disabled, as it is areal challenge just throwing yourself in the air or gliding down snowy hills and controlling the speed, direction by turning and balancing. What if a person engaging in this sport breaks her or his leg or arm, they will lose most of their lifetime by being a disabled person. These sports also promote recklessness particularly among youth who may not fully understand the risks. And these are the reasons why some people want to ban extreme sports.
Although extreme sports cause some risks, I think that they have economic, physical and psychological benefits, too. Rather than banning sky diving and skiing, we should encourage other people to be engaged in them, because they help most countries in an economic way, mostly for tourism economy, as extreme sports have always contributed significantly to tourism and other local economies, too. If there are a lot of tourists in the country, there is a high possibility of earning money for government budget, which will be helpful in several ways. The more people do extreme sports the more benefits they get, both physical and psychological. There is no doubt that a person who engage in a sport will not be physically active and energetic and at the same time, skiing or sky diving in an open weather will help to be psychologically active.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that banning extreme sports, especially sky diving and skiing is a huge mistake, as it has more economic, physical and psychological benefits than risks like physical impairments and irresponsible behaviours.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “what if a person engaging in this sport breaks her or his leg or arm, they will lose most of their lifetime by being a disabled person” could be rephrased for clarity and conciseness. Improving word choice and using more formal language will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will improve readability.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “what if a person engaging in this sport breaks her or his leg or arm, they will lose most of their lifetime by being a disabled person” could be rephrased for clarity and conciseness. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will enhance readability.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the risks and benefits of extreme sports and providing a clear opinion. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed and effectively frame the discussion. The essay provides relevant examples to support the points made. The essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style to match the academic context. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more consistent use of linking phrases to ensure a smooth flow of ideas.