Extreme sports such as skydiving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

In the world where risky sports have become increasingly popular especially skiing and diving, and most people claim that government should prohibit. Therefore, I totally agree with this statement because of potential serious consequences and pricey equipment.
I believe that there are two main concerns related to risky sports. One of them is possible injury. In other words, extreme sports – diving and skiing may lead to injuries especially for people who are beginners in this position, including broken bones, legs and even premature deaths meaning that this may yield to long-term injuries and disability. Therefore, although it may help to improve sense of adventure and adrenaline, I totally believe that government ought to prevent potential conflicts and harms.
The second major problem is expensive items. To be more precise, it is widely known that specific equipment can prevent serious injuries and other serious damages, however, it costs more than enough for those people who cannot afford those equipment. For example, many people who try to sell their valuable materials and metals in an illegal way due to joining the risky sports, leading to punishment especially prison. Therefore, governmental individuals who should try to ban those sports.
In conclusion although it is believed that extreme sports can have certain benefits like adrenaline rush and prevent serious injuries with its pricey items, I still claim that drawbacks – wound and expensive should be avoided.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the position.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.

The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be more consistent.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and punctuation, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be more consistent.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt and provides a well-developed response, with a clear position and relevant supporting details. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the points being made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly restating the position.