Fariza
The number of individuals who opt for to pursue live in cities and towns,leaving only old people in the countryside is currently rise.I will give some causes and solutions to improve the situation for this problem.
One of the main causes of the problem is that the city has better education than in the countryside. In the Uzbekistan,for example, medicine universities are improved in the cities with new technologies and with international teachers however in the countryside there are not medicine universities because of this young generation leaving tin urban areas to get higher education in the cities. Another problem is that it’s easier for young people to build a career in the cities. In other words the city is more civilized than the countryside. A third cause of the problem I that live in the city is more comfortable than in the countryside . In the Uzbekistan,for example, in the countryside often the is no water , in winter houses are cold.
There are some solutions for this problem. The government should build more universities and improve their in urban areas for young people. We also need to make city more purposeful so that young people can build their careers.
In conclusion,Young people prefer leaving the countryside to live in city. My point of view , government should focus to improve urban areas ,build more work places for that young people could received ,the government should focus on improving rural areas, creating jobs, and providing essential services to ensure that young people can meet their needs without relocating.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph coherently.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be improved to avoid repetition and enhance the lexical resource.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay attempts to use a range of grammatical structures, but there are several errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling that can hinder the reader’s understanding. For example, “In the Uzbekistan, for example, medicine universities are improved in the cities with new technologies and with international teachers however in the countryside there are not medicine universities because of this young generation leaving tin urban areas to get higher education in the cities” contains several grammatical errors that make the sentence difficult to understand. Proofreading is essential to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why many young people prefer to live in cities rather than in the countryside and suggesting potential solutions to this issue. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the underlying causes and a more thorough discussion of potential solutions. Additionally, the essay could provide more specific examples to support its points and make the argument more persuasive.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.
- Develop your arguments more fully to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.