Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?

Nowadays sports are becoming less popular among young individuals. I think this problem can be attributed to several factors such as social media and the lack of time and it has mainly negative impacts on their health as well as discipline of them.
One reason that most adults spend significant time on social media or playing online games.these activities give them feeling of instant gratification and cheap dopamine but they also reduce their attention span. For example in my country the rapid development of technology has captured the attention of young individuals that leave little time to practice with sports Moreover majority parts of young adults don’t have enough time to practice with sports because they are insisted to pay more attention on their academic standarts by their parents and their parents also demand from them to have better educational performance than their peers.for instance in some countries most parents think that getting a good education is priority thing for adults to do so that they are encouraged to study hard by their parents as a result of which makes sports unpopular in their life . I think this problem have mainly negative impacts on them . Doing less exercises leads several health problems and urge them to live sedimentary lifestyle as a result they may become lazy and develop obesity that is the main reason to develop several certain diseases such as heart disease and also blood pressure .In addition to this they may loose discipline of them and it becomes to hard to adept teamworks so it may be bringing some obstacles for their personal life and work because Life is associated with teamworks. To conclude paying too much attention on social media playing games and the lack of time are main reasons why few children are exercising with sports right now and this issues have mainly impacts on their health as well as their discipline of them

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis statement.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and connect them back to the thesis statement.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource, with some inaccuracies. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated vocabulary could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting for the reader. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decrease in young people playing sports and the effects of this trend on their health and discipline. The writer presents a clear explanation of the contributing factors, such as the dominance of social media and the lack of time, and discusses the resulting impacts on health and behavior. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by offering a more detailed analysis of the effects.