Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?

These days, the government is paying a lot of attention to sports, while some children hate exercising. I think this problem can be attributed to several factors, such as lack of time and social media. It has mainly negative impacts, such as health problems and lack of teamwork and discipline.
One reason is that children are paying too much attention to games and social media. This problem affects many children as they get instant gratification from social media and games, which provide cheap dopamine. As a result, they avoid hard work, such as physical activity. For example, in my country, almost all children spend time playing games or watching Instagram reels instead of doing exercises or sports. In addition, these days, some parents want their children to have high academic standards and better performance than their peers. For example, in my town, there are special schools that teach children all day, which blocks their time for doing exercises.
I think this problem has several negative effects, especially on health. Children hate spending time on sports because they are used to instant gratification. This problem can lead to several health issues, including obesity.
For example, in my town, there is one child who used to exercise. On his birthday, he was given a phone. After a few months, he started paying more attention to the game called “PUBG Mobile” instead of doing sports. As a result, they became obese and gained unnecessary fat. Moreover, avoiding exercises leads to a lack of discipline and teamwork. If young people stop exercising, they won’t develop good teamwork skills. As a result, they might struggle in their future jobs.
To conclude, paying too much attention to video games and academic standards can have mainly negative effects, such as health problems and lack of discipline.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the connection between different ideas could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Use a variety of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “hate exercising” could be rephrased as “show a reluctance to exercise,” and “cheap dopamine” could be rephrased as “instant gratification.” Improving the precision and appropriateness of vocabulary will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “One reason is that children are paying too much attention to games and social media” could be rephrased as “One reason is that children are overly focused on games and social media.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons fewer young people are playing sports and exercising and the effects of this trend. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue, such as the dominance of social media and the academic pressure from parents, and the resulting negative impacts, such as health problems and a lack of discipline. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of additional factors contributing to this trend and a wider range of potential effects. A more in-depth analysis of the long-term consequences of this trend on individual and societal levels would enhance the response.