Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?
The participation rate of young individuals in sports and fitness activities has significantly dropped.I think this problem can be attributed to lack of time and scrolling through social media feeds and online games.
There are several causes why young individuals do not do sports.Firstly,Lack of time. Their parents are fixed on their academic standards and put courses and tutoring ahead of sports.In addition,they scroll social media and play video games a lot.Playing video games gives them instant gratification which causes cheap dopamine. Sports like soccer or basketball may seem more difficult and physical demanding to them than video games.
Less exercise can lead several issues such as health problems and loss of descipline.Firstly, health problems.They are accustomed to a sedentary lifestyle which can lead illness like obesity and cardio vascular disease.Moreover,the loss of the descipline will also have an bad effect.Children who do not play sports are often afraid of people, while people who do other things like to communicate. Children who were involved in sports get used to do something with a teamwork and they are sociable and disciplined. Whereas people who have not done sports are thin and do not know how to work in a team.
To conclude,lack of time and scrolling social media with playing online games cause them exercise less.These effects have a negative impact on health and discipline.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures, but there are some errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling. These errors can sometimes make the intended meaning unclear and disrupt the flow of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could provide more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decrease in sports participation among young people and the effects of this trend on their health and discipline. The writer presents a clear explanation of the contributing factors, such as lack of time and the prevalence of social media and online gaming, and discusses the resulting impacts, such as health problems and a loss of discipline. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Include specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-developed.