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Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?

It is believed that the number of youngsters who play sports and exercise is decreasing nowadays. This problem can be attributed to several factors, and I think it has mainly negative effects.
Because of developing technological devices, children are being addicted to modern gadgets. On a daily basis, they play computer games, watch short videos, and this gives them instant gratification which makes young people less sensitive to dopamine—the hormone of pleasure. Having consumed cheap dopamine, brains make them play and watch more. As a result, they do not play physical games because these sports are demanding and it is hard to get dopamine from them.In addition, teenagers may have no time due to high demand of parents in academic side. Parents want their children to be academically successful, so they have to study a lot, read books, attend special courses. Then, this busy schedule leaves little time for young adults to spend outdoors or do exercise. Even if they find time to go out, they feel mentally exhausted and want to rest.
There are several effects to children. After some time, children may have health problems because of a sedentary lifestyle and obesity. Inactive lifestyles lead to cardiovascular diseases and risks will increase.
Moreover, in this way, youngsters lose opportunities to learn necessary skills such as communication, teamwork, and collaboration skills. After losing these skills, they feel less disciplined and lazy because of lack of negotiation and communication with others. In the future, they cannot manage their time and their productivity will be low.
To conclude, this problem is caused by instant gratification and busy lifestyles and affects the health and morals of children.

7.5

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and the body paragraphs are well-structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure that your sentences are not too long or complex, as this can sometimes make your writing less clear.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be improved for clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.

Suggestions
  • Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your writing more concrete and persuasive.