Fewer young people play sports and exercise these days. Why is this? What are the effects of this?

Nowadays, young people focus on academic lessons and modern technologies, instead of sport exercises. This trend, which can be attributed to gadgets and high parents’ demands, has mainly negative effects, such as health problems and losing necessary skills.
As I said, there are mainly two reasons why children’s interest in sports is decreasing. First of all, mobile phones, computer games, watching TV, and others are stealing people’s time and life. These types of gadgets cause less sensitivity to dopamine, which can give us the hormone of pleasure. Our brains get addicted to cheap dopamine and do not want to have exercises. Furthermore, more parents want to see their children as successful in the future. Thus, they consider playing sports games a waste of time and unnecessary to our life. Young people also do not want to do some exercises after learning courses; they only want to rest.
However, most health problems come at average ages because of less activity. Inactive lifestyles increase the risk of cardiovascular diseases and muscle weaknesses. For example, in the last years in my country, we experience great health problems, obesity, and headache. Moreover, absence in playing sports is affected to lose opportunity to learn necessary skills, such as communication with people or teamwork skills. This may cause less disciplined and lazy. People who do not attend sport games cannot follow time management

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and points could be enhanced. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat repetitive and could be more varied to improve the overall coherence. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear final thought.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and specific vocabulary related to the topic could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with some variety in sentence structure. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the decrease in sports participation among young people and the effects of this trend. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this trend and the resulting negative effects on health and skill development. However, the essay could be enhanced by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and a deeper analysis of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.