Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Nowadays,some people prefer to have greater income doing overloaded work, while others choose to be mainly free owning comparetively lower profits. In my opinion, although, working overtimes might be stressfull, I side with the first view.
Proponents of lower income cite various reasons to support their stance. The main one is less psychological harm. With an insufficient amount of money received from one workplace, has come a need to add several smaller businesses in favor of being financially tolerant to daily expenses, meaning that people do not need to work extra hours in the same job. Given this factor, it comes as no surprise that individuals rarely face with psychological challenges, stress and depression, due to which humanity lose its finance for medication, while most population worldwide suffer from lack of economical resistance meaning that they might come across additional anxiety. Therefore, part-time occupation is more prefferable among society.
Despite this reality, I stay convinced with my position, claiming taugh schedules to be more appropriate. This is mainly attributed to peoples’ tendency to have enjoyment at workplace, which is the result of gaining frequent high respect because of higher status among other staffs an fundamental reason of which is the long-term work experience leading to numerous job promotions. This elite-level status has a domino effect on employee’s further career. The initial one is peaked job satisfaction acting as a contributing factor for mental stability as workers are tend to perform on increased degrees as a result of psychological well-being, laying foundation for strong endurance against stress-related issues. Not only does this tolerance assists to cope with cognitivity problems, but also makes people more confident about themselves, eventually making it straight forward for them to obtain leadership skills.
To conclude, true, reduced work period may prevent community from additional wastes on medical treatments, however I believe that those gaining oftentimes promotions on the field of profession have higher likelyhood to have a sense of overproductivity which makes them to avoid such health problems.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured in a way that logically presents the two different viewpoints. However, there are some abrupt transitions and unclear connections between some of the ideas, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs could be improved to better guide the reader through your points.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated language could help to strengthen your argument and engage the reader.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated sentence structures could help to strengthen your writing and engage the reader.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the conclusion could be more fully developed. You have addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion. However, the conclusion could be more fully developed to clearly summarize your position and the reasons behind it. Additionally, the introduction could be more engaging to the reader and provide a clearer roadmap for the essay.