HW: Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Schools play a crucial role in shaping the future of individuals and societies. Some people believe the main goal of schools is prepare children to be good citizens and employees, instead of personal growth and development.I totally agree with the idea that schools do not help them as individuals and I will highlight tre reasons in the following body paragraphs.
There are two main reasons how schools focus on preparing students for their roles as responsible citizens and workers. Firstly, many schools offer standardized eduction, teamwork and compliance which are vital for employment and functioning. To clarify, the school curriculum consists of bunch of subjects like history and civics are teached to students about law, duties and responsibilities. Moreover, the structured and strict school environment, with it’s timetables, rules and discipline which copies the atmosphere of real workplace along with punctuality, dress code and liability. However, this excessive rigidity can cause suppress the creativity and and self- expression in students. Robert Kiosake can be a good point in case. He wrote” Schools do not teach children to be a good businessmen but a good worker ” in one of his bestselling book named ” the poor dad and the rich dad”. The book shows that school do not help and benefit children as a person.
On the other hand, school can also help to develop as individuals. This means, beyond academic subjects, school often offer extracurricular activities such as art, sports, drama and music. By attending these lessons students can find their hidden talents or improving their already existing talents, also explore the passion. Moreover, some modern schools underline student well- being and health condition through medical examination and counseling services which benefit them personally. Also, schools frequently check their mental health state by conducting specialized lessons an advices, which probably prevent them from burn out and depression.
In conclusion, schools help to tackle create responsible citizens and skilled workers, however I believe purpose of schools should be empower students as a independent thinkers.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource, with a variety of vocabulary used effectively to convey the intended meaning. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only occasional errors. The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only occasional errors. However, there are a few instances of incorrect verb forms and sentence structures that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the task by clearly stating the position and providing relevant reasons and examples to support it. However, the essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments.