In many countries, people are living longer than ever before. The advantages can outweigh the disadvantages?

In our contemporary world, inhabitants are living quite a while than ever before in many countries. There are some argues among people about the usefulness of aging population. They say it leads to harms, while others believe having elderly people is really beneficial. Due to some distinct factors the adventages of it couldn’t outweigh the disadvantages. It is noticeable that these days people are living with more and more amenities and opportunities such as technology, modern healthcare system, safer accomodation. In consequence, they are experiencing the life for longer time. Undoubtedly, having more life creates more elder inhabitants, leading some notable benefits for younger generation, as they have strong experience. So they might be profitable by sharing them to others. Not only are their advices needy, but also they are really believable. Furthermore, olders are the head of families and it can thrive easily with them. Even in the past, some nations were better that have aging population.
On the one hand, it leads to some problems. Firstly, government should spend excessive money for them, also it is harmful for budget. Secondly, if older people are many, the rate of illness definitely increases, as a result, the government also should ensure hospitals, services, and drugs. Instead of it, they can set aside such cash for educational system for their development because it make plenty of rewards in the economy. Thirdly, it has an adverse effect on workforce, what plays a vital role on improvement. Decreasing the level of workforce make government spend to younger generation.
In conclusion, the aging population would create some sensible problems like a lack of workforce, medicine system, and retirement fees that can outweigh the advantages, and it may be a barrier to raising economical conditions in many countries.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the introduction could be more engaging. The body paragraphs each discuss a single point, but the transitions between them could be smoother. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay uses a variety of vocabulary, including some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain the reader’s interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay contains a few grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues and incorrect prepositions. These errors do not significantly impact the overall clarity or readability of the essay. The essay contains a few punctuation errors, such as missing or incorrect commas. These errors do not significantly impact the overall clarity or readability of the essay.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of an aging population. The writer’s position is clear, and the essay is well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a single point. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.