In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent centuries, more and more people decided to not become a immigrant rather than living in foreign countries because people do not want to leaving their origin culture. This causing the percentage of elderly has increased during the year. Someone argues that the elderly would become a new problem for government. However, other stated that elderly could benefit the society. In this essay, we will focus on whether the advantages of an ageing population having outweigh the disadvantages.
Firstly, focusing the main problem of increasing ageing population, increased elderly population will be causing the money spent in medical resources increase for government. As we all know, the health problems will appear to the high level (depends on the age), the health problems such as diabetes and heart disease are more commonly found in elderly. Thus, ageing populations means the elderly will use the biggest part of medical resources and services such as hospital and ambulance. Government is necessary to put more effort, policy, and money to meditation in order to tackle the unaffordable medical system problem.
Instead, the key benefit of elderly people brings is they can provide their experience and knowledge to teenagers. Elderly people mean they are above or over 60-year-old, which also shows they have enormous experience and knowledge they have learned. The potential benefits of them are they can teach and given the advice to children’s, teenagers or even young adult, helping younger age tackles their personal problems or even avoiding the traps in their life.
After focus on the pros and cons of elderly people, we should also look whether the advantages of an ageing population having outweigh the disadvantages. In my opinion, there small numbers of advantages can outweigh the disadvantages, because the increasing meditation cost will become the biggest part of society problem. For example, the percentage use of meditation causing other parts of cost has reduced, which creates other problems that government need to face. Moreover, some elderly people might not want to helping younger age, which leading the advantage of elderly people has been shorted.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing the information. However, there are some issues with coherence, as the ideas in the body paragraphs do not always clearly support the thesis statement. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, which can make the argument less clear. More effective use of cohesive devices and a clearer connection between the ideas in the body paragraphs could improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay uses a variety of vocabulary, including terms relevant to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. More precise and varied vocabulary could enhance the quality of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be more consistent.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. More consistent and accurate use of grammar and punctuation could improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, the use of more complex sentence structures could be more consistent.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the disadvantages and advantages of an ageing population. However, the argument could be more fully developed, as the discussion of the advantages is somewhat limited. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and clearly restating the position. A more thorough discussion of both the disadvantages and advantages, as well as a more comprehensive conclusion, could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that your conclusion is comprehensive and clearly restates your position.