In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Since the aging population is one of the most important factors in a country’s future, one question that arises is that if it is beneficial for the governments or it is a negative thing, which should be deal with ? Therefore, in this essay I will talk about both sides of the argument. However, in my own opinion, I firmly believe that, the drawbacks of the aging population are surpassing the benefits of it.
On one hand of this argument, there are people who believe that aging population has more benefits for a country compare to disadvantages. They argue that as the population of elderly people grows, improvement in all the part of the country grows with it because older individuals means more experience. As a result of this elevated experience, there will be enhancements in different sectors. For instance, in the investments sector, more experienced people will help the younger investors to make better investment decisions. Therefore, fault in the system will be minimized. Another example is in politics. Since the older politicians have more experience regarding managing countries, they will guide the younger politicians to not make the same mistake they made, both in the internal and the external issues. However, while this approach has some benefits,
On the other hand, which includes me, there are people who believe that aging population are the main reason for significant number of problems. First of all, increasing population of older people means that there are lower number of younger population, which is an indicate of unhealthy governments. Why? Because while younger people generate money for the country, older people are a debt to the country because they are mostly dependent on insurance money which governments should pay. In contrast, younger generation are working in different sector as employments, worker, entrepreneurs, and etc. As a result, they are generating income which is beneficial for the country. For example, Japan is suffering from rising age population and it’s GDP, which is an indication of a healthy economy, has been remained in the same levels for the last 20 years, so their economy has not seen an enhancement in the last two decades. Addition to this, as their younger generation is decreasing, there are many problems in different parts, such as marital issue, public health, and mental health.
To sum up, I believe that while older generations have some advantages, their drawbacks are outweighing the benefits because they will lead to substantial number of problems in economy, public health, and other parts.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to clearly state your position in the conclusion and summarize the main points.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire, with a variety of vocabulary used effectively to convey the intended meaning. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of complex structures effectively, with a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity and precision.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are well-developed, and the body paragraphs are structured in a logical and coherent manner. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the benefits and drawbacks of an aging population, and by offering more specific examples to support the arguments.