In many countries , too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national days such as New Year and religious festivals . To what extent extent do you agree or disagree?
In a number of countries , a huge amount of money is spent by principals and local people for traditional holidays including New Year and festivals that are related to religious. While I admit that spending money on holidays might have some benefits , I totally disagree with this shift for two solid reasons.
From one respect , allocating money on holidays enhances individual’s comprehension about festivals. Since government will decorate some places , provide some information on TV by money that is invested on it , so people will get engaged in it . As a result , people will be informed about the concept of festivals . Another benefit of spending money on them , is it remains religion as so many religions disappearing . Nowadays many people are often busy with their work and even do not remember about it . For instance , government can give some presents to them as a reminder . As a consequence , it causes the possibility of becoming extinct of religions .
One the other hand , there are number of issues before spending money on them . Most countries are not that developed and they have to enhance their life quality . For example, air pollution is a global issue; by planting some trees around the country , governments can improve the air quality . Another drawback is it creates a great amount of waste after a festival . As people go to traditional holidays they will handle a particular item with themselves. After event they will throw away their litter. As a result , it creates a mass environmental pollution .
To sum up , while the importance of festivals is essential , I believe that it causes an environmental pollution , which harms us .
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some evidence of a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and some sentences are difficult to understand.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.