In many countries, too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national days such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent you agree or disagree?

National events and religious festivals are highly valued worldwide, and therefore the majority of the money is invested in them each year because most of the festivals are highly valued by people as they think they are unique and important. However, I believe it is ridiculous to allocate a large sum for a one-day event, instead, the government must spend money on their areas like education and healthcare.
Undeniably, festivals are vital for individuals for certain reasons, such as gathering with friends, enjoying diverse dishes, or being stress-free. It is like a lifetime opportunity since they meet each other in a certain day, like the New Year or other religious holy days. In addition to that, most nations prepare in advance for those traditional festivals and decorate everything temporarily from 1 to nearly 30 days; it depending on what the festival is, and then they get rid of everything once the events finish. Let’s take The New Year as an example Many countries prepare and invest large amounts of money for decoration of the Christmas trees and other activities that take place in the squares of the cities and after a couple of days everything will be completely removed as it nothing happened, this is like short-term freedom.
The government should spend more money on other fields, like enhancing education. Many students who are gaining an education at colleges might have problems with paying tuition fees due to unstable financial backgrounds as a result most of them simply drop out of college and start working in different factories as ordinary employees. It hence it is essential to give them financial aid to pay their tuition. What’s more, there many patients who are struggling with various diseases, like cancer or other chronic health issues they also must be assisted bt the country’s officials in order to be respected by society instead of wasting money on different festivals.
In conclusion, although the value of religious gatherings is critical, many things should be addressed related to education and health since they are far more important in every coutry. In my opinion, we must be happy every single day without waiting for special days.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer’s opinion is clearly stated, and the argument is well-developed and supported with specific evidence. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.