In many countries, too much money is spent by governments and individuals for national days such as New Year and religious festivals. To what extent you agree or disagree?
Over the last few decades, we have seen dramatic ideas about the governments and their citizens’ expenditures, which were spent on holidays and other special days, mounting over the years. Although there is some validity to that assertion, I completely disagree. The aim of this essay is to analyse both of the perspectives as well as my logical conclusion.
First and foremost, it is clear that holidays are organised in order to entertain, whereas such entertainments often cause some unexpected accidents and increase the potential of crime; since a lot of people attend this kind of event, keeping individuals secure would be hard. A prime example of this is that every year, governments have organised international holidays like New Year, and plenty of crimes have occurred on these occasions, such as robbery and extortion. As a result, organising and spending too much money on these celebrations may cause terrible consequences.
Secondly, even more importantly, a majority of people have spent a lot of money on holidays and other special occasions, whereas they have some aspects that demand to investigate and improve. For instance, nowadays, many parents do not pay attention to their children’s lack, such as they could not use new education technologies that allow them to enhance not only knowledge but also perspectives and communication skills. As a consequence, they have been growing up without knowing modern technologies.
In conclusion, I once again restate my position that spending too much money on holidays does not live up to the expenditures paid out to them as well as bring little benefits.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a range of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “dramatic ideas” in the first sentence should be “significant increases,” and “the expenditures paid out to them” in the last sentence is awkward and could be phrased more naturally. Improving word choice and using more precise language will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, in the sentence, “a majority of people have spent a lot of money on holidays and other special occasions, whereas they have some aspects that demand to investigate and improve,” the phrase “whereas they have some aspects that demand to investigate and improve” is awkward and unclear. To improve the essay, the authors should focus on addressing these grammatical errors. This can be done by reviewing and revising sentences for clarity and coherence, paying attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, and ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the implications of excessive spending on holidays by governments and individuals. The writer presents a clear position and provides relevant examples to support their arguments. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the claims made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive and provide a more thorough summary of the main points discussed.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.