In many societies, there is a growing emphasis on individualism, with people prioritizing their personal goals and desires over collective interests. Is this a positive or negative development?
It is nowadays very common sense for people to focus on their own aims and wishes instead of considering what group thinks. No doubt that being self-centered may seem positive for people in academic world where the possibility of achieving higher goals is manyfold; however, the overall idea of being such ignores values of the community and has an adverse effect on personality.
Disciplined people with excessive self-attention on themselves are proven to succeed faster as they ignore any sort of external worries. Since collective interests matter least, for them following a determined route and having clear aims to reach is more apt. In their opinion, being not distracted with social issues or community hurdles, the pace of improvement and development is doubled, bringing their projects and results into a life faster, as the case with the majority of scientist. A Russian mathematician who could prove one of the theories of millennium, Grigoriy Perelman, ignored any kind of disruptions and was chasing his dream only, which resulted in the greatest success of all times.
This, however, works solely for tiny minoruty in scientific area ignoring the rest. A lot of people put their own goals first which may facilitate rivalry as the community goals and values are ignored. Employees, in many cases, try to stand out among other colleagues when it comes to bringing an idea to life, thus fostering rivalry within staff members and hindering the growth of an organization. In this case, taking into account all possible aspects in order for company to develop may only be true if third-person perspective is provided – the working style of any giant company, be it technology or service related. Organizational structure there is supposed to work as one organism and departments within the cannot is linked with several tasks depending on one another.
Considering the personal matters, the idea of prioritizing individual desires and goals may awaken negative traits, such as selfishness and greediness. These terms are usually associated with self-centered people who care less about the life and interests of others, resultantly failing to give and receive support. Moreover, people with a higher individual focus have psychological and mental issues in terms of interacting and socializing with others, therefore experiencing loneliness and remoteness from the community. For instance, Draco Malfoy, main character in globally famous series “Harry Potter”, used to focus only on what he needed and wanted, which left him alone and confused at the end.
In conclusion, people from academic world may think of individualism as the best way to achieve their aims and success, yet it is not true for others. Self-centering may bring about serious issues such as collision inside the company and those impacting the nature of human.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the majority of scientist” should be “the majority of scientists,” and “tiny minoruty” should be “tiny minority.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity. For example, “a lot of people put their own goals first which may facilitate rivalry” should be “many people prioritize their own goals, which may lead to rivalry,” and “the working style of any giant company, be it technology or service related” should be “the working style of any giant company, whether in technology or service related.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of individualism on society and within organizations. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer structure in the introduction. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.