In numerous nations, there is a growing trend for individuals to frequently discuss financial matters, such as their earnings or expenditures, in everyday conversation. What are the reasons behind this phenomenon? Is it advantageous or detrimental?
In many countries it has been increasingly popular to discuss about each other’s expenditures and earnings, especially younger generation since most of them are curious about being rich as early as possible. One of the reasons for this is social media since most people invest their time monitoring other’s lifestyles.
Nowadays, we are living in someone’s lives and in their dreams, simply because their daily lifestyles are more important than ourselves. What I mean here is that, we are becoming materialistic than ever before hence we tend to discuss others’ assets. In my country, for example many people immigrate to other country to provide their families since working and saving up amount of money is challenging particularly those who comes from working-class family, therefore they go other developed countries for a period of time. Once they return home they are being asked about his/her income. This is definitely disadvantages because each individuals has his or her own life and it Is unnecessary to tell about their profit for others. Instead it is critical to ask about their health and travel they had lately.
Moreover, asking someone’s expenses directly can be ridiculous for certain reasons. Firstly, it creates a sense of disrespect because it is not none of our business to know about others daily spending. Secondly, it affects relationship negatively, meaning if we ask everyday about our friends’ daily expenditure, they might end up with negative disappointment and anger eventually, therefore we must avoid keep asking. Furthermore, many teenagers are keen on observing wealthy like famous TouTubers or other famous figures on social media and as because of that they try to follow them and keep asking their expenses via massages which can be abnormal and inappropriate for social media influencers to reply them back.
In conclusion, it is not crucial to know about someone’s property, money or other things as none of those are ours and won’t be ours instead we should develop our bond as it gives us a chance to earn respect rather than disappointment.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the thesis.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your points and provide clear explanations and examples.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that can affect the clarity of the writing. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a wider range of sentence structures to more effectively convey complex ideas.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the growing trend of discussing financial matters and the implications of this trend. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this trend, such as the influence of social media and the curiosity of the younger generation about wealth. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more concise and focused thesis statement to guide the reader.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your thesis statement clearly presents your argument and addresses all parts of the task.
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.