In some countries, teenagers have part-time jobs while they are still at school. What benefits does this bring a child? Are there any drawbacks?
Job market in some countries involve adolescents in school having part-time jobs. While there are some possible benefits of this trend, i believe there are also exist some drawbacks of working part-time jobs being at school.
One the one hand, having part-time occupation for teenagers comes with its fair share of advantages. One of the primary benefits of casual employment for teenagers would be the opportunity to be financially independent from parents. It would be easy for them to satisfy their needs and incidentals without any weights on household budget by having an won source of income. Another advantage of having part-time job is that teenagers would be quite aware of labour market situation and gain some experience from early ages. Situation at job market changes every time and once entering in this field you would have a skill of analyzing it. For example, some adolescents with such experience during application to certain fields in universities usually surpass their rivals.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that having flexible employment may bring about some certain drawbacks too. Firstly, teenagers while working alongside might be distracted from their studies which can explicitly affect to their future. Occupying the time out of school with even temporary jobs would obstruct requirement followings and positive achievements in school. For instance, a student with a lack of time to practice school tasks usually with unsatisfactory academic performance , and it can cause to his future applications to higher education. Secondly, considering teenagers age in labour market, there is a risk of exploitation. Some employers may take advantage of young workers by offering them lower income than it should, as a consequnce recieving a cheap labour force.
In conclusion, while having part-time occupation for teenagers who are still at school may have its positive aspects, it also has several negative sides that cannot be overlooked
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s opinion, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support the main idea will help improve the overall coherence. Additionally, using a wider range of linking words and phrases will help guide the reader through the essay.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “casual employment” is not the most appropriate term to use in this context; “part-time employment” would be more suitable. Refining word choice and ensuring that idiomatic language is used appropriately will help improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, using a wider range of vocabulary will help make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “a consequnce recieving a cheap labour force” should be “as a consequence, receiving a cheap labor force.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition use, will help improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of grammatical constructions will help make the essay more engaging and dynamic.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of teenagers having part-time jobs while still in school. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by ensuring that each point is fully developed. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.