In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

These days, there is a rise in the median weight of people whilst their levels of well-being and physical stability are falling. This circumstance is occurring because of individuals’ too much reliance on online services and improvement in technology. To prevent this situation, there are certain solutions that should be implemented.
One significant consequence of the increasing levels of weight is people’s excessive dependence on online services. For example, having ordered products and food by social media platforms, individuals do not need to spend their energy for traveling from one point to another one. As a result, it can make them lazier and more dependent on social media stuff. Another issue is the continuing improvements in technology. Nowadays, in some countries, especially in developed ones, every family has their own vehicles, which enables them to get to their targeted places easier. Therefore, people are more dependent on cars, motorbikes, and other transportation instead of walking. This results in individuals’ lack of physical activity and leads to being overweight.
To tackle these issues, governments and societies should implement several measures, including organizing different competitions monthly among local inhabitants in every city of the country. By using this opportunity, people can keep their average weight and be more active during the whole year. Another solution can be educating locals about disadvantages of obesity and involve them in activities that can help them to lose weight. For instance, having informed about dangers of obesity, individuals try to live a healthier life.
In conclusion, by using these measures, people can be free of any harms of being overweight and keep their medium weight till the end of their life only if they never give up practicing sports and living in more balanced life.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the conclusion could be more effective. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking phrases would enhance the overall flow of the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “social media stuff” could be replaced with “social media platforms,” and “medium weight” with “healthy weight.” Refining these choices would improve the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would be more appropriate for the task.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “every family has their own vehicles, which enables them to get to their targeted places easier” should be “which enables them to get to their targeted places more easily.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition use, would improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the conclusion could be more fully developed. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increase in weight and the decrease in health and fitness in some countries. The writer presents a clear explanation of the contributing factors, such as reliance on online services and technological advancements, and suggests practical solutions, such as organizing competitions and educating locals about the dangers of obesity. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.