In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
Nowadays, there is a noticeable rise in individuals’ average body weight and gradual fall in fitness they are doing all around the world. This problem is created by several factors, some of which are sedentary lifestyles, and a lack of encouragement for people to do some exercise. In order to solve it, offices can offer fitness breaks to workers, and governments should organize more sporting events for local people.
First and foremost, adapting to a lifestyle that requires less hard work than before is one of the causes for the increase in average body mass. The reason for this is the introduction of gadgets into the public’s life, specifically for office employees. For instance, they sit in front of a computer doing their jobs without moving all day long with little break for themselves. This causes them to not exercise their bodies much, which eventually leads to changes in their weight. To solve this problem, employers need to add some fitness breaks into workers’ schedules so that they can have time to reset their bodies, as well as, energize themselves. Building tiny gyms or specific fitness places would be the most convenient way to encourage workers to do some sport.
The next cause is less encouragement for the public to engage in sports. For example, a number of people just watch sports on their televisions and do not prefer to participate themselves, or some people do not even have time to watch anything. That is why one possible solution would be to promote sports and fitness not only on mass media or through the internet, but also by putting up a few posters in places that are clearly viewed by the public. In addition, organizing local events, which encourage residents to compete with each other could be a more long-term solution.
To sum up, increasing average weight and decreasing levels of health and fitness could be caused by a few problems, such as the introduction of sedentary lifestyles and a lack of encouragement. Nevertheless, these problems can be solved by promoting fitness breaks in offices and organizing local events that include physical activities.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all clearly structured. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
“First and foremost, adapting to a lifestyle that requires less hard work than before is one of the causes for the increase in average body mass.” – This sentence is a bit confusing and could be rephrased for clarity.
“The reason for this is the introduction of gadgets into the public’s life, specifically for office employees.” – The connection between gadgets and sedentary work habits could be explained more clearly.
“To solve this problem, employers need to add some fitness breaks into workers’ schedules so that they can have time to reset their bodies, as well as, energize themselves.” – The use of informal language (e.g., “reset their bodies”) may affect the formality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your sentences are clear and easy to understand.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions are used appropriately. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
“The reason for this is the introduction of gadgets into the public’s life, specifically for office employees.” – The term “gadgets” may be too specific in this context. Consider using a more general term such as “technology.”
“To sum up, increasing average weight and decreasing levels of health and fitness could be caused by a few problems, such as the introduction of sedentary lifestyles and a lack of encouragement.” – The use of the term “problems” in this context is a bit confusing. Consider using a term like “issues” or “factors.”
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed.
“First and foremost, adapting to a lifestyle that requires less hard work than before is one of the causes for the increase in average body mass.” – The phrase “less hard work” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
“The reason for this is the introduction of gadgets into the public’s life, specifically for office employees.” – The term “gadgets” may be too specific in this context. Consider using a more general term such as “technology.”
“To sum up, increasing average weight and decreasing levels of health and fitness could be caused by a few problems, such as the introduction of sedentary lifestyles and a lack of encouragement.” – The use of the term “problems” in this context is a bit confusing. Consider using a term like “issues” or “factors.”
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the solutions to the problem. The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the solutions to the problem. Consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your ideas and provide sufficient support for your arguments.