In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
The younger generations are always under some pressure. From a tender age they thought to achieve every possible achievement. This sometimes may yield negative results as staying competitive and motivated are not always feasible in case they meet impossible tasks to realize. On the other hand, instilling a sense of assurance can help children to sharpen their hidden talents.
Admittedly, many parents quite demanding when it comes to their children’s future. They don’t want their children to grow with feeble mindset and weak willpower. To prevent this outcome, adults encourage juveniles to try their best when dealing with anything whether its academic endeavors or life problems. However, children‘s mind is still in a developing stage, so pressuring them with unattainable assignments may strain their mindset. They may think themselves as untalented individuals who bound to face only failures. Moreover, if their peers are able to achieve something they fail to do, they may even put themselves in an inferior position and loose their self esteem.
Although it has some downfalls, instructing children to believe they can achieve anything has significant benefits. Having had someone on their side who confide in their ability to do literally anything, boosts child’s self confidence a lot. As a result they will grow to be confident adults with unyielding ambitions. Apart from this, trying to achieve diverse tasks can help children discover their hidden potential or may aid them to hone skills at their disposal. This will allow them to be better than their counterparts.
In conclusion, telling children they can get anything done sometimes may lead them astray and bring about unexpected consequences, it also can help them to be better versions of themselves and equip them with confidence that they need in later life.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows logically from the previous one.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “juveniles” should be “children,” and “lose their self-esteem” should be “lose their self-esteem.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, “From a tender age they thought to achieve every possible achievement” should be “From a tender age, they are often thought to achieve every possible accomplishment.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the message that children can achieve anything if they try hard enough. The writer presents a clear introduction and conclusion and provides relevant examples to support their points. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the ideas presented, including more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the implications of the message.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-developed with relevant examples and supporting details.
- Consider providing a more detailed exploration of the ideas presented, including a deeper analysis of the implications of the message.