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In today's society, there's a growing trend of people focusing on their own goals instead of the group's interests. mindset also has significant drawbacks.

In many societies today, people are focusing more on their own goals and desires rather than considering what is best for the group. While this can be helpful for personal success, it can also harm community values and personal relationships.
People who focus on their personal goals often succeed faster because they are not distracted by social issues. They can stay disciplined and follow a clear path toward their goals. For example, Grigoriy Perelman, a Russian mathematician, achieved great success by ignoring distractions and focusing on his work.
However, this approach is only positive for a small group of people in certain fields like science. Most people who prioritize their own goals can create competition and tension within groups, such as in workplaces. Employees may try to stand out and ignore team goals, which can harm the growth of the organization. Large companies usually succeed because they work together as one unit, with different departments working toward common goals.
On a personal level, focusing only on individual desires can lead to negative traits like selfishness and greediness. Self-centered people may struggle to form strong relationships and feel isolated from society. This can result in loneliness and mental health issues. For instance, Draco Malfoy, a character from “Harry Potter,” focused only on his needs and ended up lonely and confused.
In conclusion, while individualism can help achieve personal success in some cases, it can also cause serious problems both in organizations and personal lives. The negative effects on community values and personal relationships make this trend more harmful than beneficial.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
  • Ensure that your examples are relevant and well-explained.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be improved for clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and precise in presenting the topic.

Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction to make it more engaging and precise in presenting the topic.