In today's society, there's a growing trend of people focusing on their own goals instead of the group's interests. mindset also has significant drawbacks.
In today’s society, there’s a growing trend of people focusing on their own goals instead of the group’s interests. This individualism can lead to personal success, particularly in academic fields, as people like Grigoriy Perelman have shown. However, this mindset also has significant drawbacks.
The emphasis on individual goals fosters competition, which can harm team dynamics in workplaces. When employees prioritize their own interests over the company’s, it can slow organizational growth. Additionally, focusing on personal desires can lead to negative traits such as selfishness and greed. Self-centered individuals often struggle with forming meaningful relationships, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Overall, while personal success stories highlight the benefits of individualism, the negative impact on community values and personal relationships makes this trend more harmful than beneficial.
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The ideas are logically organized, and the progression from one paragraph to the next is smooth. However, there is room for improvement in the use of cohesive devices and paragraphing. For instance, the transition between the positive and negative aspects of individualism could be made clearer to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.
- Consider using more explicit signposting language to guide the reader through your argument.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. The writer uses a variety of vocabulary, including less common and idiomatic expressions. However, there are a few instances where word choice could be improved for greater precision and nuance.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of grammatical inaccuracy that could be addressed to improve clarity and readability.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The writer provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be developed more fully in places, particularly in the body paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea or argument. This may involve providing more detailed examples or further explanation.