Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplaces. Do tha advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Due to advancements in technology, it allow people to work remotely everywhere. While there are several disadvantages to this issue , I believe that advantages far outweigh disadvantages as this trend offer flexible and comfortable work and increasing productivity .
On the one hand , it is undeniable that there there are several drawbacks of this phenomenon. First and foremost, it leads to distraction and lack of focus on work. To explains public places home and others could not offer quite atmosphere as an office provide which result in decreasing productivity. For instance, a man who working remotely may struggle to complete the given task because of instant interruptions like social media platforms or video games . This may result in uncompleted and delayed task and also depression and did not feel satisfaction from the work. Secondly, people isolated from big world and lose their health. One people sit at home all day and do not commute to work which as a consequence it creates some health problems such as obesity . According to World Health Organization, 5 % of obesity rate belonged to remote workers in 2022.
From another angle, I claim that long lasting benefits prevail potential drawbacks. First benefit is that, people who prefer to work outside workplace balance work and personal life. Thus help to foster healthy lifestyle and allocate more time to their family and friends. And also individuals can take short breaks or relax at any time to maintain health . For instance, remote workers work efficiently than office because of lack in any distraction and stress . In addition, they focus on their work from when traveling another place.
To conclude , there are some potential disadvantages, but I strongly believe that advantages of workers choose to work outside their workplace have better productivity and stabilize both personal and work life greater than the drawbacks.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall position.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure that can be distracting. Additionally, there are some spelling errors that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the ability to work remotely, and it provides a clear position throughout the response. The essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.