It is a good idea for people to continue working in their old age, if it is possible for them to do so. Do you agree or disagree?
Elderly people working with no limit can be considered good for some reasons. First, there are some people who are obsessed with their job to the point where they can not imagine their life without them. Steve Jobs can be a good point in case. He literally remained deeply involved in his work until his death from cancer. He kept working on new ideas and technologies even in his final days. Another reason why old people should be allowed to work is because it helps them to stay healthy. Continuing to work can help them to maintain a physically active lifestyle, which reduces the chances of them ending up with different kinds of health problems such as obesity and osteoporosis.
That being said, however, life is not all about working, as old people should enjoy their lives and leave their positions to younger generations. It is obvious that it is challenging to focus or be busy with their hobbies while working an active job. That’s why old people should retire at the retirement age and should focus on personal fulfillment and hobbies. Working late in life can prevent them from enjoying their hobbies, leading them to pass away with a bunch of regrets. On top of that, keeping old people in the workforce can lead to high unemployment among the younger generation. This may delay young people’s targets and life plans.
In conclusion, it is true that some people are so passionate about their job and never think of retiring; also, it can assist in staying fit, yet old people should step aside, as there is a younger generation whose eyes are on their position, and working all life long can limit them from focusing on the things that they enjoy.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use more linking words to connect ideas.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “old people working with no limit” could be rephrased as “elderly people continuing to work indefinitely,” and “pass away with a bunch of regrets” is a somewhat informal and dramatic phrasing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed. For example, in the sentence, “He kept working on new ideas and technologies even in his final days,” the verb tense should be past perfect rather than simple past, as the action is completed in the past.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both the reasons some elderly people may continue to work and the reasons they should be encouraged to retire. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential benefits and drawbacks of elderly employment.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Develop your arguments more fully to provide a more comprehensive discussion of the topic.