It is important for everyone, including young children, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
There is a view that it is vital for all individuals, including children, to prepare for their financial future. I completely agree with this proposal as saving money can lead to knowing the value of money, unexpected funds and always encourages goal-setting.
One might argue that it is not that important to save money for children for their future life. In this regard, the true value of money is known when children don’t save money, instead of it they must focus on their future careers and studies, or even considering about how to earn money from young age.
However I feel that the real value of money is known when children by themselves save money for something which they will need in certain days. Because when they see how hard their parents are trying to provide them with money and luxuries they maybe save their pocket money for bad days in their private or family life.
Another concern is that children may face to unexpected funds in their schools or even in kindergartens. When they save money and take some with them they can easily deal with funds instead of being shy, with saying “I don’t have enough money”. This is why it makes sense to delegate even children to safe money, because children in their early years of school and especially in kindergartens, be too emotional with the opinions and thoughts of others.
Furthermore, while children prepare for their financial future by saving money, they also develop the ability called “goal-setting”. Because when collected money is not enough in some circumstances, they start to search various ways how to save or earn certain amount of money that they will need in next time. Over time this may lead to self-independence which means not to rely too much on parents.
In conclusion, despite of some bad sides of saving money, it should be performed for people’s and children’s future well-being.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource, with some inaccuracies. The essay uses a variety of vocabulary, including some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which do not significantly detract from the overall clarity or effectiveness of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, detailed examples to support the argument. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points and reiterate the stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Consider using a more engaging hook in the introduction to capture the reader’s attention.
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the stance on the issue.