It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future? To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Over the last few decades, we have seen dramatic ideas about the importance of gathering investment for both adults and young generations for their following times. As there is some validity to that assertion, I completely agree. The aim of this essay is to analyse both of my perspectives as well as a logical conclusion.First and foremost, I believe in saving money for the future, which could bring several benefits for all people; it does not matter their age. In other words, when adults gather their incomes for the future, they will be ready for any terrible accidents, and this is one of the main reasons. A prime example of this is that if they face unfortunate challenges, their funds may help them to defeat these disasters. As a result, people could insure their futures.Secondly, even more importantly, gaining investments for following times is useful for young people. It is an undeniable fact that over the years, most young people have struggled to find their way in life since they have a lack of money as well as support. For instance, even though many young people have successful business ideas, they could not come true to their plans, as they do not have enough investment for this. As a consequence, when people have been saving money from their childhood to the future, it would help them for their personal growth.In conclusion, investing money for the future could assist all people in their private lives and personal developments. I once again reaffirm my stance that the mentioned idea is entirely justifiable.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices. For example, “gathering investment” could be more accurately expressed as “saving money,” and “terrible accidents” could be replaced with “unexpected expenses.” Refining word choices and using more precise language will improve clarity and readability. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will enhance the overall presentation of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. These errors do not generally impede communication. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “gathering investment” should be “saving money,” and “their funds may help them to defeat these disasters” should be “their funds may help them to overcome these challenges.” Correcting these errors and paying attention to verb tense and subject-verb agreement will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of saving money for the future and providing arguments to support this view. The essay also includes a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments made. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.