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The pictures illustrate the process by which a lead pencil is produced.In general ,it is obvious that the process is devided into three main stages : planting trees ,turning them into wood and shaping to prepare lead pencils
First of all,during 4 months, seeds are planted in the ground .Once they have been replanted for 3 years,they are cultivated for timber over 14 years. After being cut down,the wood is processed with a saw ,where it is cut into fine slats.At the next stage,It takes 60days to glue black lead onto a thinned piece,and then the segment is combined with another one.In the process of pressing ,the pressing machine pressurizes the planks with heat,and heat-pressed segments are cut so that they can be turned into colourful,sharpened,stamped pencils.Lastly,those pencils are sent to be sold inside a pencil box
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear central topic in each paragraph. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each sentence within a single stage of the process is clearly and logically connected to the one before it.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some issues with punctuation and the use of articles.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the process. However, the use of informal language (e.g. ‘first of all’) is not appropriate for an academic essay.
Suggestions
- Ensure that the essay is written in a formal tone. Avoid using informal language.