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line graph

The line graph provides data on the average proportion of patients visiting four hospital clinics- birth control, eye, diabetic and dental-on a weekly basis, over the span of 7 years period, starting from 2010.
Overall, the number of patients attending eye clinic experienced the most significant growth trend, eventually surpassing all other clinics in 2016. In contrast, birth control clinic registered by far the most visitors before stabilizing the lower level than its initial value. Both diabetic and dental clinics exhibited gradually-rising tendency over the timeframe.
Delving into the details of the two most in-demand medical services, almost 250 people visited the hospital to address their birth control problems in the first year, while about only 125 patients were registered in eye clinic. By 2012, the figures had gradually increased for both clinics, rising by approximately 20 and 25, respectively. Unfortunately, the following years turned out to be quite negative for the birth control clinic, plunging to nearly 125 in 2014, and ultimately recovering to its primary share by the end. Conversely, the figures for eye clinic dramatically grew untill 2016, skyrocketing to exactly 350, dominating across all other services.
As for the individuals with diabetic and dental issues, the most volatile changes could be observed, with just 60 and 100 patients, respectively.Over time, the number of visitors to the diabetic clinic outnumbered the patients with dental problems in 2012. Having been fallen, patterns for latter health service reached a peak of 130, and remained relatively unchanged. Notably, the proportion of people in diabetic clinic(230) overtook the dental clinic, with a slight disparity in 2016.

6.5

The essay generally follows a logical structure with an overview and detailed analysis. However, some transitions between ideas are not smooth, and there are occasional lapses in clarity.

Suggestions
  • Improve transition between ideas for better flow.
  • Clarify comparisons between clinics.
  • Ensure consistent use of terms.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some variety in expression. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing.

The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are noticeable errors that affect comprehension.

The essay addresses the task and provides an overview and detailed analysis of the data. However, some comparisons could be clearer.

Suggestions
  • Clarify comparisons between different clinics.
  • Ensure all key trends are accurately described.