Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree?
In a world dominated by intense competition and social expectations, it has become increasingly common for parents to put substantial pressure on their children to succeed, particularly in highly industrialized and academically driven countries. I completely agree with this notion for several reasons.
Parents’ tendency to exert immense pressure on their offspring can be attributed to various factors. With the soaring living expenses and high taxes, along with scarce job opportunities and stagnant wages, many individuals now find it difficult to make ends meet, save up for future emergencies, and invest in income-generating assets, which has compromised their overall financial freedom and stability. Given these circumstances, it comes as no surprise that many parents are imposing high expectations on their children. A good case in point is my home country of Uzbekistan, where parental pressure has become the norm owing to economic challenges.
Another notable reason why parents exert significant pressure is the competitive nature of the modern world. With globalization and technological revolution, the job market has become fiercely competitive, prompting parents to believe that exceptional achievements are essential for their children’s future stability. As a consequence of such perceptions, many children are often enrolled in numerous extracurricular activities, private tutoring, and advanced academic programs, namely competitive math training, foreign language classes, and music or sports lessons. Good examples are South Korea, China, and India, where educational systems emphasize high academic performance, and parents commonly push their children to excel in rigorous after-school programs.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that the majority of parents today force their children to strive for excellence under pressure thanks to the aforementioned factors like economic hardships and the intensely competitive global environment.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion is comprehensive and effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay demonstrates a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few minor errors that could be improved.
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop all of your points and provide sufficient support for your arguments.