Many people are afraid to leave their home because of their fear of crime. Some people believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, but others feel that little can be done. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
People usually cannot leave their houses for a long time due to the crime thoughts. There are some who think that taking certain actions may help to deal with this problem; meanwhile, others are of the opinion that these are of a little effect. Even though measures taken cannot stop people from committing crimes as they lack proper education and the majority has mental issues, I still believe that once there is a bond within neighborhood and proper tracking system implemented, crime report may decrease drastically.
Some are convinced that the primary reason to commit a crime is being less educated. In their view, people have usually financial motives pushing them into these offences. These illegal acts are usually seen from the teenage period, when not only do students bully their peers, but also disrespect their teachers leaving no chance to be changed. For instance, Bronx of New York city in the US is the place where the majority of teenagers are conformed by their counterparts and show the lowest result in the state in education and the highest crime reported area in the country.
Another idea they have is inappropriate rehabilitation in prisons, which makes them think that there is no space for improvement in cases of breaking law. This is especially true for those who are sentenced for longer periods, as they feel more comfortable and confident being in the prison. Most of this type of places do not focus on explaining the negative effects or educating them in order to have another life after being released. Instead, they provide prisoners with part-time and slightly black labour, still paying them the deserved amount of salary, which is not available in freedom.
Though convincing it may sound, I still believe that certain steps can be taken to lessen the violation of law. Firstly, locals within a neighborhood need to be united as a group to form a safer place to live. Oftentimes, people who live nearby and have relations between one another show respect, therefore taking care of those living next to. For instance, the term “Mahalla” in Uzbekistan, my country, provides a friendly atmosphere for residents of several streets, making the whole area more familiar with each other and ensuring a better place to live.
On a broader level, video tracking systems are another alternative to guarantee decrease in crime. Being the best way to prove and at the same time to be afraid of, availability of CCTVs on a bigger scale may act as a deterrent for criminals. This method, however, should be subsidized by governments and tracked by authorities so that people may be sure about its existence, as it was the case in Singapore – the country with the least crime report in the world. State officials there funded installing cameras both to public areas, small shops and even to side streets.
In conclusion, despite the belief of others that there is almost no way to tackle the crime issues motivated with personal reasons, I still view it as a possible situation once clear steps of locals coupled with authorities are taken.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and the body paragraphs are well-structured. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A wide range of vocabulary is used appropriately and accurately. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, and punctuation is well managed. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Try to include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your writing more persuasive and help to illustrate your points more clearly.