Many people believe that studying history is important, while others think it is not necessary. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
> S:
Some individuals argue that learning history is essential, while others contend that it is not important. This essay will discuss both views on the importance of learning history and provide my opinion.
The leraning history is important because we can learn more things from history. History is connected to all subjects in the world. For example, Medicine is one of the key subjects in our lives that is connected to history. How they connected? Medicines, ambulances, blood transfusions, and other medical innovations were created by individuals, and we can learn about who invented them, how they were developed, and how they are used today. For example, in the past, humans could not solve certain diseases because they lacked sufficient knowledge. By studying history, we can learn valuable lessons that can help us improve the world today.
Some people do not need to know about history and they think it is not important learning it, why? Lots of people really not needed knowladge from history . Some subjects in the 21st century, such as business and IT, are not closely connected to history. For example, I have never felt the need to read a history book because I am interested in mathematics, a subject that involves problem-solving and does not require years of study to see progress. Mathematics is an exact subject that allows for clear solutions.
In my opinion, studying history is a personal choice. People can decide whether to study history based on their goals and interests.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured to discuss both views on the importance of learning history and to provide the writer’s opinion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes confusing, making it harder to follow the discussion. Additionally, the transition between the two main bodies could be smoother to better guide the reader through the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, especially with terms related to the subject (e.g., “ambulances,” “blood transfusions,” “medical innovations”). However, there are instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing (e.g., “some people do not need to know about history and they think it is not important learning it, why?”).
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage. The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, and the overall grammatical accuracy is quite good. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage that could be addressed to improve the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the importance of learning history and by providing the writer’s opinion. However, the discussion could be more balanced, with each point of view thoroughly explored to enhance the depth and complexity of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could more effectively summarize the key points discussed and reinforce the writer’s stance.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each point of view is equally balanced and well-supported.
- Provide a clear and concise summary of the key points discussed in the conclusion.