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Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure that there are only small differences in earning between the richest and the poorest members. To what extent do you agree or diagree?

People have suggested many different ways to create perfect societies. Some people argue that one way to develop happier communities is to make sure that the earning gap between the poor and the rich should be kept to minimum. I firmly disagree with this view as it was proven unsuccessful in history and there are other ways to produce a pleased society.
Primary reason why this proposed strategy does not work is because it discourages competition between individuals. People need incentive to be creative and to try hard to progress. If people know that it is impossible to earn more than a certain degree, they will most probably stop working hard and putting in extra efforts. This, in turn, halts innovation and development of economy, eventually leading the nation to a crisis. The history has seen this kind of communistic countries, where authorities emphasized the equality of everybody and promised a perfect life for people. The former Soviet Union or contemporary North Korea can be partinent examples in point. Both of these countries also advocated the idea of economic equality of people and yet failed to build competitive economies.
Instead, I believe there should be no limit on the amount of earnings people make. If people could earn as much as they can through their efforts and innovation, there would always be competition. Many businesses and services compete against each other to gain customers in order to maximize their revenues. As a result, nation thrives through development and innovation as every business tries to creates new products or tries to improve their quality. Examples of such capitalistic countries, such as the US, Germany, the UK and many other nations with strong economies and currencies, suggest that there should be no restrictions on the amount of money people make.
In conclusion, I disagree with the belief that the best way to create a perfect society is to minimize the disparancy between the earnings of the richest and poorest groups of public since it discourages the competition, which devastated many nations in history. I would propose to have more freedom for people as to how much they can earn.

7.5

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions are used appropriately. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be improved.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction to make it more engaging and to provide a clearer thesis statement.