Many people put their personal information online(address, phone number and so on) for purposes such as signing up for social networks or online banking. Is this a positive or negative development?
In today’s digital era, an increasing number of people share their private details for various purposes, such as signing up for social media and online banking. I believe that, although this trend has certain drawbacks, it is mainly a positive development in our increasingly digital society.
One significant disadvantage of sharing personal information is the risk to privacy and security. When people provide details such as their addresses, banking information, and phone numbers, they become vulnerable to identity theft, hacking, and fraud. This situation benefits cybercriminals, who can easily exploit this data to impersonate individuals, access financial accounts, or commit other illegal activities. A striking example is the 2019 incident in Germany, where the personal information of hundreds of politicians, journalists, and celebrities was hacked and leaked online, including sensitive details like names, addresses, and identity card numbers.
Conversely, the digitalization of personal information offers considerable advantages. One of these is the enhanced convenience of everyday transactions and communication. In my country, Uzbekistan, the rise of online banking platforms like PayMe, TBC Bank, and Asakabank has transformed how people manage their finances, enabling instant transfers and bill payments without the need to visit bank branches. Additionally, social networking sites such as Facebook, Telegram, and Instagram have overcome geographical barriers, allowing people to maintain and develop relationships with their families regardless of physical location. These benefits not only simplify logistical aspects of life but also enrich social interactions, demonstrating the positive side of sharing personal details.
In conclusion, although sharing personal information online has drawbacks, such as privacy and security risks, its benefits, including improved convenience in transactions and communication, make it a largely positive trend.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there is a slight lack of depth in the discussion of the benefits of sharing personal information.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to support your points.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be improved for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider summarizing the main points made in the essay and restating your position more clearly in the conclusion.