Many people think that zoos are cruel. Others think they are helpful in protecting rare animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that zoos are inhumane, while others argue that they are advantageous in preserving rare animals. While it is unacceptable to keep animals in captivity with limited space to move or behave naturally, I think they play a crucial role in preserving some animals from extinction.
On the one hand, a significant number of animals are kept in zoos in cramped cages which restrict their movements and cause depression and distress. Some animals like elephants, lions, zebras and giraffes are bigger in size than others and especially those ones are held in captivity and zoos are to blame to be the cause of restriction of freedom. If they start to feel in a depressed way it causes to the anger which leads an animal to become vicious and very dangerous. Other than that, animals are becoming a public spectacle for entertainment and a research project. Every year, a lot of zoos are opening in every state and region and the simple reason is entertainment as most young children love seeing a living creature in the flesh, hearing it and watching what it does. However, these young people are not just watching animals, they are feeding and touching them which is not allowed in any way. So this is one of the reasons of animal death in zoos. The more people come and see the animals, the more harm they cause.
On the other hand, many species are becoming extinct across the world and the key to protect them is zoos. Animals in captivity get a high-quality diet and illnesses they might have will be treated and for that reason they have a longer life expectancy, than ones who live in wildlife and becoming extinct. Also they provide animals for wildlife by breeding in zoos.Even if they breed in captivity after some time they will be released into wildlife but not all of them, because they are needed in zoos where we can help animals to continue the breeding. Without these efforts there would be fewer animals alive today. Zoos are a good place for taking research, too, as there is less harm and risk. If we learn more about animals and the threats, sudden changes in their wild population, we will have more knowledge about saving them.
In conclusion, even though zoos are a cruel place for some, in my opinion, they are the main reason why a lot of species are alive today, as they are trying their best to find another ways to preserve animals from extinction, undertaking research and providing animals with everything to help the breeding.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the two sides of the argument, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. More explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph support that topic would also help improve coherence.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase “the simple reason is entertainment as most young children love seeing a living creature in the flesh, hearing it and watching what it does” could be rephrased for clarity and conciseness. Ensuring that each word is used in its correct form and context would also help improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, the phrase “a significant number of animals are kept in zoos in cramped cages which restrict their movements and cause depression and distress” could be rephrased for clarity. Ensuring that each sentence is grammatically correct and clear would help improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear personal opinion. The writer presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the argument could be more fully developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the implications. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.