Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at schools nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Concentration at school is important for student’s academic progress and prosperity. However, these days, some struggle to pay attention to classes. Although there are several factors which bring about the lack of concentration, a number of measures can be taken to tackle the issue.
There are several reasons which make find it for students difficult to focus on classes at school. One would be the widespread use of social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook among young generation. The content of these platforms is largely consisted of short videos, which can last for less than a minute and be watched in large numbers. Watching short videos, in turn, often causes a syndrome called ADHD, a disease which, ultimately, leads to the deficit of concentration. Another force driving the difficulty to focus in students is the lack of practicality. The large part of school curriculum is consisted of concepts, theories, and terms, which are difficult to comprehend orally. When school subjects offer only theoretical knowledge, students may see studying them boring and daunting and therefore, have hard time concentrating on classes.
Government, on the other hand, can take several actions to deal with the problem. As extreme it may seem, an effective measure could be imposing restriction on social media use among students. Educational authorities can track the screen time of school students by creating an app which puts limits on the use of social media platforms and making it compulsory to install. Although this action may seem harsh by some, it helps significantly to combat with the concentration problems. Another solution would be to make the studying process rewarding. Schools should encourage students by giving them financial incentives or motivate them mentally when they perform well during the classes. It creates an urge among students to paying attention to classes and study wholeheartedly.
In conclusion, many students are struggling to focus on classes at school. While this is caused by factors such as the popularity of social media platforms among students and the lack of practicality, authorities can tackle the issue by putting restrictions on social media use and motivating students financially or mentally.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The body paragraphs each discuss a single reason for the lack of concentration and a corresponding solution, which is good for coherence. However, the development of ideas within the paragraphs could be more detailed, with specific examples to support the points made. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive in linking back to the introduction and the body paragraphs.

Suggestions

Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, “One would be the widespread use of social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook among young generation” could be rephrased as “One reason is the widespread use of social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook among the younger generation.” Additionally, “Another force driving the difficulty to focus in students is the lack of practicality” is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, “One would be the widespread use of social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook among young generation” is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to “One reason is the widespread use of social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook among the younger generation.” Additionally, “Another force driving the difficulty to focus in students is the lack of practicality” is grammatically incorrect and should be revised for clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the conclusion could be more comprehensive. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the lack of concentration among students and suggesting potential solutions. The writer provides a clear introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points discussed.