map
The maps illustrate the layouts for the conference room in the years of 2009 and 2010. Overall, conference room maintained most of its same features although it underwent several relocations along with additional facilities. Additionally, in 2009, conference room provided more seats for people compared to 2010
In 2009, Access to the conference room was from the top side, whether you could enter it with main or side entrance that were located in the top left and right corner respectively. In the middle of the top side, there was a registration. In the right wing, there was a large balcony adjacent to which was exhibition area. On the opposite side, concert hall and stage were aligned vertically, with former provided four seats, while the letter had the same numbers but for meeting purposes. Lastly, in the center of the map, there is display area that offered three seats.
By 2010, the layout of conference room changed significantly. Access remained the same, yet refreshment was built at the cost of the registration where it was located in the right side of the map at that year. When it comes to right side of the room, most of the changes were made to this side, with stage was relocated to beside the balcony. Seats and concert hall were also come near to the stage. In 2010, in balcony, there was also lougue area. Exhibition area wa
s also relocated to the left wing.
The essay is logically organized and there is a clear progression of ideas. However, there are some areas where the flow of information could be improved.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Consider using more complex sentence structures to introduce new ideas.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay makes use of a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by avoiding some of the overly general language.
Suggestions
- Try to be more specific in your descriptions. Instead of saying ‘most of the changes were made to this side’, specify what exactly changed.
- Avoid using overly general language. For example, instead of saying ‘refreshment was built at the cost of the registration’, say ‘a refreshment area was established in place of the registration desk.’