More and more parents are allowing their children to play on computers and tablets as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

The most parents think that young generation should have digital skills while they are allowing their children to play on computers and phones.Although it has severel benefits, I assume that, the drawbacks it offers are much more significant.
There are three advantages to allowing children to play on computers.One is that it may be improve cognitive abilities in children such as creativity, problem-solving.The several digital apps can foster creativity activities like drawing, coding and playing strategic games.Meanwhile another benefit is it offers to learning educational contents to children. Many applications and programms provide interactive learning and improving knowledge in subjects like math, science and languages.For example, Duo Lingo is the most popular and effective among language apps.
Despite benefits above mentioned, it can lead to serious drawbacks for children. If children are use much more time in the computers, tablets or other devices it can be addicted.The result of excessive screen time can disrupt their biological clock and sleep patterns,especially harming their hormonal system.Another one is that may cause lack of physical activity then sedentary lifestyle increases the risk of obesity.
In conclusion, I believe that allowing children to play computers and another devices it offers much more disadvantages than advantages.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to restate your main points and opinion in the conclusion in a clear and concise manner.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder understanding. Punctuation and spelling are generally accurate, but there are a few errors that could be corrected for better clarity.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position that the disadvantages of allowing children to play on computers and phones outweigh the advantages. The writer provides a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss the advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion that restates the position. However, the argument could be more fully developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the implications.