More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their complexions in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, many people wasting money for the pigmentations to be more be seen as a youth. Many people think it is for skin care and that’s natural trying to look younger in today’s world. Opponents of this idea think that it is just waste of money, since excessive operations can lead to side effects in the long run, and changing faces given by God is the opposite of what is said in the book of prophet (M.S.A.W). I completely support the latter point of view, since both of causes are enough to agree with and have sufficient facts to proof them.
In today’s modern world, more and more people, mostly females, try to reshape their face, nose, lap shapes, and other features in their body. This is mainly because of competing with their peers, to look more beautiful and younger among others. By doing so, they think they can achieve reputation, and become in a good shape. One of those complexions is puffing out labs, which gives relax and beauty for them. For instance, many of Uzbek singers doing this complexion, to be prominent and distinctive as opposed to other ones. As a result, many young generations who follows them on the social medias are doing like so works on their own faces, by motivating through singers this works. Therefore, the number of this bawdy makers is growing significantly, negatively affecting their both mental and physical health.
Some think pigmentations make people’s face more beautiful and lovely to their relatives. It is true that doing complexions may be look good sometime, but its side effects are a necessary evil. After some time, all of this complexion works’ side effects be evident, by giving hard pain to the face. Even they cause to experience many operations to remove them. Nearly all of complexion takers regret to do so after 3 or 4 years later. Additionally, this kind of works strictly forbidden by religion sides. Many hadiths make for them, like changing body elements given by its owner will cause to resentment of God. Is not it true? All doers regretted by doing this works. As a result, this kind of works will cause to negative effects by not only health side, but also religion.
In conclusion, complexions taken by youngsters as a fault of youth maybe have some benefits on face for the limited period of time, its side effects can significantly outweigh this small benefits. For above mentioned reasons, it is unadvisable for any of people to take these complexions.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing the information. However, there are some issues with coherence in the body paragraphs, as the ideas seem to be somewhat disjointed and not fully developed. Additionally, there are some issues with cohesion, as the use of linking words and phrases is somewhat inconsistent, which can make the argument difficult to follow.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph are closely related to the main idea.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some use of more complex and formal language. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, there are some issues with word form and spelling, which can also affect the readability of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of sentence structures, from simple to complex. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. Additionally, there are some issues with punctuation and spelling, which can also affect the readability of the essay.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons why people may want to look younger and the potential negative effects of this obsession. However, the argument could be more fully developed, as the ideas presented are somewhat disjointed and not fully explored. Additionally, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your argument more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support this idea.