More teenagers are now playing computer games in their free time. Are adventages outweight disadvantages?

It is becoming popular to play computer games among adolescents in their leisure time. Although it has several advantages for teens, the disadvantages outweigh the positive sides.
In our days, teenager belife that computer games are one of the best option as a amusement. Prime reason of that is the games are more accessible and do not require much effort, like other type of attraction which making them a comfortable and demanding form of entertainment. Hence, they more fascinated on using their free time for playing computer games rather than outdoor activities. For example, in Tashkent, one of the most known type of amusement adolescents in their leasure time is going to cyber clubs because of cheapness and comfortability.
Although there are several pros, the cons are more significant, and prime negative side is irresponsibility of them and lose self-control, which leads to addiction. This happens because teens can not control themselves at all and dive into virtual world to spend their time by playing games instead of live in real-life. Subsequently, it affects not only on their studies or work but also on their physical health, by damaging their posture due to prolonged sitting, and their mental health, by causing dopamine addiction. For example, China is notorious for people who spend 12-14 hours a day playing computer games due to their dependence on games.
In summary, while there are some positive aspects of playing games for teenagers, the drawbacks during their upbringing have a more harmful influence.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance on the issue.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and connect them back to the main argument.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest. However, there are several grammatical errors that can be distracting, such as issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. Punctuation is also often misused, further impacting the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers playing computer games. The writer takes a clear stance that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and provides reasons and examples to support this position. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with more specific examples and evidence.