More teenagers are now playing computer games in their free time. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

These days, the tendency of playing computer games has become an occurrence among teenagers in their free time. While there are some advantages, such as it offers enhancement of teamwork and leadership, drawbacks are more significant, including it causes a sedentary lifestyle and academic decline.
One of the main advantages of playing video games is the boosting of collaboration and teamwork. When players play virtual games, they have to work as a group to win against other opponents, which involves the creation of tactics, critical thinking, or separating players into zones, and it leads to building leadership skills and a team environment. For example, in CS 1.6, not only should players shoot opponents, but they also have to communicate effectively about opponents’ movements or locations during the game time. Additionally, strategy in games is the main section to win games, such as strategically where to land or combat. This cooperative gameplay can affect effective communication and leadership.
However, these upsides notwithstanding, reliance on digital gaming downsides is more considerable. Playing games can be a role of distraction from academic assignments. Means that if juveniles tend to play video games over completing school assignments, they may struggle grasping knowledge in university. Another point is that when players spend their huge amount of free time playing video games without physical activities, it leads to losing well-being and causes obesity. For example, a teenager might play 4-6 hours of video games daily while eating snacks or high-calorie unhealthy foods containing chips, pizza, or cola. If they do not burn them with physical activities, it leads to shape fat storage.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the main points well, but the connection between different ideas could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some complex and sophisticated language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the creation of tactics, critical thinking, or separating players into zones” could be rephrased as “the development of tactics, critical thinking, and the ability to coordinate with teammates.” Improving word choice and ensuring the correct use of idiomatic expressions will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, using a more formal tone throughout the essay will help maintain a consistent and appropriate style.

The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that affect the clarity of the essay. For example, “One of the main advantages of playing video games is the boosting of collaboration and teamwork” could be rephrased as “One of the main advantages of playing video games is that it boosts collaboration and teamwork.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using a wider range of grammatical constructions will help demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of teenagers playing computer games in their free time. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific evidence and by offering a more detailed analysis of the topic. The conclusion could also be strengthened by providing a more definitive statement of the writer’s position. Ensuring that the introduction and conclusion are well-developed and clearly related to the main points of the essay will enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the response.