Mumtoza
The maps illustrate changes about two town of Kimsville between 2002 and present time.
This is clear thst the town of Kimsville was green area with lots of trees but the town had taken changes in building transportation and sport facilities in there.
According to the what is shown in the layouts this is interesting to note that, trees in the north-west and south-west sides of the Kimsville in 2002 but the trees have been knocked down and football stadium and new apartments had been build instead of these trees locations.
Today, the factory has been replaced by a new train station, reflecting modern transportation development. To the northeast of the city center, a software company has been built, replacing a part of the greenery. Additionally, a set of new apartments has been constructed to the northwest, adjacent to the shopping center, indicating an increase in residential areas.
The old cinema remains in its original location but has been joined by a newly built pub nearby. Furthermore, a football stadium has been added to the south of the cinema, providing recreational facilities for residents.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear progression of ideas. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making more precise comparisons.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and make more precise comparisons.
- Try to relate the changes to each other to provide a more cohesive argument.