Muslima M JIS
Some people argue that university students should have the freedom to study whatever subjects they prefer, while others believe students should focus on faculty that are considered useful for future careers, particularly in fields like science and technology.There are some benefits and drawbacks of studying subjects that will be useful, such as science and technology which I will discuss below.
I disagree with this idea because students should have the freedom to study what they enjoy and what suits their skills. First, not everyone is interested in science and technology. Forcing students to focus only on these fields can make learning boring and stressful. If they study the field that they will need in their future job so thay can save their time and mental health.
Second, studying different subjects helps people become more creative and well-rounded. Society needs more than just scientists and engineers. We also need other jobs like teachers, architects and other professions. These roles are just as important in solving real-world problems. Lastly, forcing everyone to study science and technology might lead to a lack of variety in careers. Not everyone can succeed in these fields which they have been restricted to pursue a career, and ignoring other areas of study could harm industries like art and sports.
In conclusion, students should be free to choose what they study. It is important to let people follow their interests so they can be happy and successful in their careers. A balanced society needs experts from all fields, not just science and technology.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The body paragraphs each focus on a single main idea, which is good, but the development of these ideas could be more detailed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a varied vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more varied and sophisticated use of language to discuss the topic in more depth.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, with few errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more varied and sophisticated sentence structure to discuss the topic in more depth.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits and drawbacks of studying subjects that are considered useful, such as science and technology, and by providing a clear position that supports the idea of allowing students to choose their areas of study. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point and is well supported with specific examples.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the overall position.