New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
The existence of cutting-edge technologies has been undeniably shifted the way children spend their leisure time. While these changes offer profoundly advantages, disadvantages outweigh for some important ways.
One of the advantages is children’s engagement with technology offers gain much deeper knowledge. Online resources provide opportunities for children learn through games. Making education more engaging. For instance, Duolingo as an example, that language learning application allow children to catch up new vocabularies and grammar through intriguing games or songs, potentially motivating them more to learn and enhance their horizon. However, supervisor parents should put healthy screen limits in order to protect from potential health harm.
Despite these positive aspects, the drawbacks of children’s excessive technology use are far more essential. The digital devices lead to decline face-to-face interaction and consequently, weakened friendship bond. Parents who are more into technologies and don’t care about children also distraction of family life. These lack of interactions can cause to damage the mindset of children. For example, they potentially suffered from shortage of communication and social skills. Such as, risk of depression and concentration problems. If they addicted to overuse of digital devices, children will be struggled with health problems like, eye strain. Eventually, it ends up with psychological damage and even lead to commit a suicide themselves.
In conclusion, in spite of many advantages like, fostering horizon and enlarge their knowledge, the disadvantages outweigh positive ones. Because it cause to strongly influence on both mental and psychological harm. Also, parents should put pressure on their time of using the screen.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are several grammatical errors that can hinder the reader’s understanding and disrupt the overall flow of the writing. Punctuation is also often misused, further affecting the clarity and readability of the essay. Proofreading is recommended to correct these errors and improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of new technologies in relation to how children spend their free time. The writer presents a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages and supports this position with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed with a more detailed exploration of the specific ways in which technology may negatively impact children’s development and wellbeing. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by providing a more concise summary of the main points discussed and a restatement of the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.