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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. ‍ ‍ Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

In a world dominated by exponential growth in technology, it has become increasingly common for children to spend their pastime using technologies, particularly in affluent nations. While this situation offers clear benefits, I firmly believe that it does more harm than good when viewed through the lens of mental well-being.
Proponents of digital technology cite various reasons to support their stance. If offspring spend their leisure time on playing video games like Minecraft, Call of Duty, and Clash of Clans, they improve essential intellectual capacities, namely problem solving, decision-making, cognitive functioning, creativity, and concentration, which allows them to excel in complex subjects such as mathematics and physics that focus on the fundamental nature with deeper understanding of the world. As a consequence of performing exceptionally in such advanced specializations, they are more likely to earn high grades and outperform their peers, thereby elevating their overall academic performance. This is especially beneficial for those who are not really fond of studying.
Despite these arguments, in my view, the drawbacks bear greater weight. When children spend their free time on using digital technology with any sort of regularity, especially on social media platforms, including Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, they spend excessive amounts of time online, regardless of how disciplined they are, which may lead to erosion of familial and social bonds. As a result, they experience increased stress levels, thereby exacerbating feelings of loneliness and social isolation, ultimately resulting in mental health disorders like anxiety and depression. In a world where a reduction in parent-child interactions has already reached epidemic proportions, using digital technology might escalate the present issues, such as communication barriers and a lack of emotional connection.
In sum, although I acknowledge the advantages of technology in children’s free time, especially in terms of intellectual development and academic performance, I remain convinced that they still pale in comparison to the major downsides like reduced interpersonal connections with family members and close-knit friends as well as the worsening of mental health issues.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and related to the topic. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
  • Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay shows a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples.