Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? How should they be encouraged to attend?
The number of people who take pleasure of visiting concerts and theaters are diminishing globally. This mainly because people have other, more affordable and convenient alternatives that can replace these social activities. To incite people to go, organizers should propose facilities which can pique their interest.
In the golden age of technology many facets of people’s life are undeniably connected with modern gadgets. Even the way how people spend their past time has been impacted by technology. Visiting concerts and plays involve couple of stages that discourage people from taking the chance to go to these places. Commuting is one of the major turn off which not only does add more expense on top of the cost of ticket but also increases it even more. Sometimes people may even stuck in traffic if they don’t consider appropriate routes beforehand. Moreover, being physically present in such places often comes with social activeness. This means participants should interact with other passionate fans, forcing themselves to get out of their shell. This on the other hand can make people who enjoy solo time feel forced and uncomfortable. Thus, instead of going to these social events, people wholeheartedly choose to stay at the comfort of their homes and watch their favorite tv shows and movies on streaming services which are way more affordable and comfy.
To curb this increasing demotivation, organizers and government should take collaborative action. Such social gatherings should include some conveniences like refreshments and fan meetings with the cast members. By implementing these new additions, events like concerts and theater plays can experience new surge of visitors. Apart from that, government can open direct public transport routes that can deliver passengers without them commuting in multiple means of transportations.
In conclusion, video streaming platforms are taking places of concerts and plays rendering visiting them unnecessary. However, managers and government can turn the tides and increase the number of visitors by applying new changes such as free snacks and drinks or creating direct routes of public transport.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the number of people who take pleasure of visiting concerts and theaters are diminishing globally” should be “the number of people who take pleasure in visiting concerts and theaters is diminishing globally.” Refining word choice and ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve clarity and readability. Additionally, using a more formal tone throughout the essay will enhance professionalism.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “Visiting concerts and plays involve couple of stages that discourage people from taking the chance to go to these places” should be “Visiting concerts and plays involves a couple of stages that may discourage people from taking the chance to go to these places.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the decreasing interest in concerts and plays and suggesting ways to encourage attendance. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this trend and proposes practical solutions. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and structure, including a clear thesis statement and a more comprehensive conclusion. The writer should also pay closer attention to spelling and grammar to improve the overall quality of the essay.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide more specific examples to support your points.