Nowadays many elderly people live alone and this can cause a variety of problems of society. What are some of these problems and what solutions can you suggest?
These days, the majority of the older generation live alone and independently, which can lead to various societal issues. These challenges include engaging in criminal activities deliberately and increased demand for healthcare. To prevent these problems, government needs to create volunteer groups to assist elderly people, and other social programs to keep them occupied with various activities.
One of the problems for older people residing independently is the high risk of engaging in criminal activities. These people often tend to spend their time with like-minded individuals because others do not want to waste their time by hearing their nonsense. Therefore, certain parts of these individuals try to do illegal activities, like theft or fraud as a way to meet their needs. In addition, elderly people living by themselves often face problems related to their health. As a result of being careless of well-being, they make the situation more serious and it results in putting extra pressure on healthcare as it requires more finance from society and government. Thus, certain steps should be taken to prevent these problems being even worse.
One way of dealing with this would be for community and authority to create volunteer groups to assist them in those situations. For example, raising money can benefit to the healthcare in order to cure their illnesses. Moreover, funding organizations or programs that make this generation be more engaged in meaningful activities and avoid thinking of bad things which ends with crime is another best solution for this issue. For instance, having occupied with work, elderly individuals do not have time to commit a crime. Consequently, the rate of social problems can be declined.
In conclusion, independent life of all people can bring serious challenges to other residents, such as doing criminal actions or influencing the healthcare systems not having enough money to get remedy. However, there are certain solutions to tackle these problems, including organizing volunteering teams and several programs for them.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “certain parts of these individuals try to do illegal activities, like theft or fraud as a way to meet their needs” could be rephrased as “some individuals may resort to illegal activities, such as theft or fraud, to meet their needs.” Additionally, “it results in putting extra pressure on healthcare as it requires more finance from society and government” could be more clearly expressed as “this can put additional pressure on the healthcare system, requiring more funding from the government and society.”
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the overall clarity. For example, “One of the problems for older people residing independently is the high risk of engaging in criminal activities” could be rephrased as “One problem faced by older people living independently is the high risk of engaging in criminal activities.” Additionally, “For example, raising money can benefit to the healthcare in order to cure their illnesses” could be more clearly expressed as “For example, raising money can benefit healthcare in order to provide treatment for their illnesses.”
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the problems faced by elderly people living independently and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear explanation of the challenges, such as the risk of criminal activities and the increased demand for healthcare, and proposes practical solutions, such as volunteer groups and engagement in meaningful activities. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point to improve the overall structure and coherence of the essay.