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Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is becoming increasingly common for people nowadays to move away from close ones for work. While there are some drawbacks associated with this phenomenon, the benefits outweigh them.
One of the downsides of leaving family and friends for work is disrupted relationships as a result of not being in touch for a long time. Most of such people go abroad in search of better job opportunities and live there for long periods. During these periods of absence, their relationships with the family might worsen as they are not fully in contact with their parents, children or siblings.
Another problem associated with this situation arises when the ones who are moving are the parents. Since parents have the responsibilty of raising children, a duty that includes multiple elements, such as providing children with adequate education, teaching them proper manners and monitoring their physical and mental development, when they leave their children behind, it may have a profound negative effect on their development.
However, the benefits people gain when moving away are far more significant. Firstly, if prepared properly by doing a thorough reasearch and contacting reliable recruiting agencies, individuals might find much more profitable and advantageous jobs abroad. In this case, people are far better off going foreign countries and making more living.
Furthermore, people can become more independent by living in different locations with various cultures. As there is almost no one to rely on, most of these people who spend some time living and working abroad become more accountable and independent, two traits that are crucial for every human being. Both of the aforementioned benefits are combined, moving away from families and friends can be regarded as a beneficial choice.
In conclusion, although people might disrupt their family and friendship ties and parents might leave their children in a rather vulnerable position when moved away for employment, the advantages of this, such as better employment opportunities and development of certain personality traits far outweigh them.

7.5

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly presented. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the discussion could be more balanced by providing a more in-depth analysis of the disadvantages.

Suggestions
  • Consider providing a more thorough discussion of the disadvantages to provide a more balanced argument.