Obesity is on the rise globally, especially among children. What are the reasons for this? How can it be tackled?

Being overweight is becoming a huge concern around the globe, particularly younger generations are suffering from obesity. The reasons are stemming from the lifestyle that modern technologies promote and the unbalanced eating habits of the children. To solve this immediate issue, parents should take action.
Current era’s technological feats make it possible to spend an entire day indoor, without take a step out from the comfort of people’s house. This conveniences turn children’s life into less engaging with physical activeness. This sedentary lifestyle not only restricted their social circle and worldview but also caused several obvious health complications. The most sever of them is being obese. Developing weight problems from a tender age can have lasting negative consequences. Moreover, most entertainments offered by personal gadgets also involve less body actions. Having no activities that encourage motion of the body results in the body’s collecting unneeded fat. On top of that, most parents neglect children’s dietary tendencies. Many products that consumed on a daily basis contain sugar. This commodity is a main culprit behind children’s increasing weight.
To resolve this issue parents should take corresponding countermeasures. The most imperial action is limiting how much time children are being exposed to screens. Having a limited screen time motivates children to go outside and have a play time with their peers. This means, by playing physically demanding outdoor games, they can burn a few calories, preventing causes of obesity and also bond with their friends simultaneously. Aside from that, parents can encourage their child to take up sports as a hobby or professional pursuit. If youngsters regularly exercise, they seldom experience any issues related to weight.
In conclusion, prime grounds of children’s being fat is linked with how they spend their day and careless dietary habits. Parents can solve this phenomenon by implementing few restrictions, namely reducing screen time and balancing and sorting the products their children are consuming.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, “This conveniences turn children’s life into less engaging with physical activeness” could be revised to “These conveniences make children’s lives less engaging with physical activity.”

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and is generally grammatically accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, “This conveniences turn children’s life into less engaging with physical activeness” should be “These conveniences make children’s lives less engaging with physical activity.”

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the rise in obesity, particularly among children, and suggesting ways to tackle the issue. The writer presents a clear explanation of the contributing factors, such as sedentary lifestyles and poor dietary habits, and provides practical suggestions for parents to promote physical activity and healthy eating. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style.